Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
