I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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