i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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