from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
