Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
