Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
