just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
