Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
