The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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