fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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