which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
