Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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