Betty ford says i'm here all night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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