dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i will never coherently bang her
We need to rekindle our bromance
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
