Your mouth is God's brothel.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
