lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
