i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize