It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
