How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
PANTIES FOUND
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
