You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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