Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
