i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
