thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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