That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
