My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
