I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
