I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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