moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
