complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
