he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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