You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize