one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
