so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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