hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
