It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
