I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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