I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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