I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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