I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
