Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
