It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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