Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
