Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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