mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
