i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
should my penis look like a turkey
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
