chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
