she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
