you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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