guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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