I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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