He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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