uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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