the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
