I am puke
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i love accidental penises.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
