Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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