Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
