She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
