Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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