your room smells of hookers.
And success
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
