i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
