ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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