my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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