giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
