just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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