Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
