I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
