You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
