Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
