So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
